


When the game is over not everybody pays

by thunderingskies



Series: I will love you through simple and the struggle [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 07:38:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10715103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: “Hajime-”“Was this just a game to you?” Hajime’s voice is low, and shaky. Tooru’s never heard him talk like this before, the hurt in his voice cutting through Tooru like a knife, completely cutting off what he wanted to say.Tooru freezes, still in front of the steps. He drops his bag to his feet. All of the excitement he had felt about coming home, seeing Hajime, fizzles away, leaving acid in his stomach.No, no, of course not-





	When the game is over not everybody pays

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a tumblr prompt, 'Was this just like a game to you?' and 'get out of my sight'. I hope you enjoy!

Tooru’s exhausted, heading home after his latest volleyball game. He can feel it seeping into his bones, and he’s longing for a hot shower and a nice long rest in bed.

He isn’t expecting to walk up the sidewalk to his apartment and see Hajime sitting on the stairs, hands pressed together, expression tight.

He’s happy to see his boyfriend, and a smile brightens his features.

“Hajime-”

“Was this just a game to you?” Hajime’s voice is low, and shaky. Tooru’s never heard him talk like this before, the hurt in his voice cutting through Tooru like a knife, completely cutting off what he wanted to say.

Tooru freezes, still in front of the steps. He drops his bag to his feet. All of the excitement he had felt about coming home, seeing Hajime, fizzles away, leaving acid in his stomach. _No, no, of course not-_

 _“_ I saw your interview,” Hajime cuts in, closing his eyes, and inhaling sharply. He looks pained, and Tooru can see how hard he’s clenching his hands into fists. How hard he’s shaking. _No, this isn’t right-_

 _“No, I’m not involved with anyone_ ,”  Hajime repeats, the exact lines from Tooru’s interview that had ended just hours prior. Tooru can feel the bile building up in his throat. _This is wrong-_

“No, Hajime-”

“Seriously?” He stands, voice raising. “I-I know that we talked about it, and decided that we’d keep all this quiet… for your career - a gay pro athlete would cause a stir… and you can’t do that, and I get it, I really _get it_ , but…” He lets out a frustrated groan, covering his face with his hands. “But, fuck - you pretending, so easily-”

Tooru pales, “It wasn’t _easy_ -”

“That we haven’t been together for the past five years? I… I didn’t expect it to hurt so badly.” Hajime sighs, and he sounds.. defeated.

Broken.

And, god - Tooru caused that.

Tooru swallows, biting back tears. He takes a step closer, reaching desperately for Hajime - he needs to explain this, _fix this, now._ He touches his face, fingers pressing familiarly against his cheeks and jaw, but Hajime does… nothing.

He doesn’t lean into him. He doesn’t push him away. He just doesn’t react.

Somehow, that’s even worse.

Tooru drops his hands to his sides, fingernails digging into his palms. He feels blood pearl around each finger, and it only pushes him to press harder. They’d _talked_ about this. Hajime had promised him, he’d told him it was okay - he’d _lied._ “Hajime, this isn’t fair, you said it was okay-

“For fuck’s sake, we can’t even share an apartment! We’re still visiting each other every other weekend like we’re still in college. I don’t even have a _key_ to yours. I want to _be with you_ , Tooru. I don’t want… this. Hiding. Being too scared to be seen together too much in public. _Lying to the world..”_ Hajime’s voice breaks, and he closes his eyes. “I’m… tired, Tooru. Tired of never feeling like we’re going anywhere. Like I’m not enough. Like… _we_ aren’t enough for you.”

“Hajime, _no…_ I can’t… I don’t… Please, _I love you_ …” Tooru pleads desperately, unable to even cry, he’s too shocked. His own skin is cold as ice; Hajime finally looks at him, and his gaze feels like a needle piercing his heart.

“I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.” Hajime takes a step back and his shoulders sag. “I… I can’t do this right now. I need you out of my sight.” He shakes his head, biting back tears. Tooru chokes on a sob; Hajime _doesn’t_ cry. “Please.”

Tooru doesn’t move. He _can’t._ Hajime is everything - he’s the one who lifts him up, makes him strong, keeps him safe. He’s the one who talks Tooru off the ledge when everything else seems lost, he’s the one who goes above and beyond to help him, _love him-_

And Tooru just unknowingly dealt his finishing blow.

It feels like time is standing still. At least that way, Tooru doesn’t have to face it - the openness, the _nothingness_ that he can already feel ebbing in, swirling around, threatening to swallow him up. It’d be easy, just to let himself be consumed by it.

But Tooru looks up, and Hajime is still watching him. Waiting for his reaction.

So he figures out how to move his limbs again. Feels the blood start to pump back into his system, leaving him dizzy. He turns, making room for Hajime, who walks down the stairs and out of Tooru’s life.

It isn’t until Tooru walks back into his apartment that he falls to the floor, and breaks.

* * *

 

The weeks bleed by, but the hole in Hajime’s heart only grows in size.

Everywhere he looks, every step he takes, everywhere he turns-

He’s reminded of Tooru.

The café with the adorable drinks that Tooru loves, where he always orders one far too big to finish by himself. The restaurant they like to frequent when they go out together, where Tooru would always order pizza because he knows how much Hajime likes it. His favourite bookstore. The gym they’d go to together, the Domo fridge magnets that Tooru gave him that Hajime knows he should get rid of, throw out, but he _can’t-_

It hurts.

They try to talk, once, but it doesn’t end well. It only ends in tears and rips open the wound again, leaving it fresh and throbbing, the focus of all of Hajime’s attention. Every breath he takes, his heart aches.

It fucking sucks, but there’s not much he can do about it.

Moving on sounds appealing, but every time he thinks about a future with no Tooru in it he just ends up lying in bed and crying, so he’s pretty sure he’s not ready for that yet.

With all of these thoughts banging around in his head, making a home where they’re not wanted, he’s really not sure why he turns on the television late that evening when he knows that Tooru’s team is playing.

He just wants to… check.

Just see, and make sure that he’s there. That he’s alright.

Maybe that’ll make it all hurt less, if Tooru is doing okay.

He can only hope, anyway.

The television flicks on, and the sight of Tooru has his breath catching in his throat. He clutches the remote a little bit tighter, eyes watching Tooru as he moves around the court.

He’s in top form, tonight, like always.

His eyes serious, his form perfect; he serves and plays exactly as Hajime would always expect him to. It almost seems like he’s not even affected.

_Almost._

Hajime catches the way his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

They win, but-

Tooru doesn’t celebrate like he usually does. He’s not swept away in the joy, in the happiness, like he usually is. He doesn’t smile into the camera, there are no frills, no _nothing._

Rather, he gives a sort of… sad smile, to one of his teammates, who slaps him on the back as they leave the court.

The whole exchange leaves Hajime with a weight in the pit of his stomach. He feels like he’s swallowed lead, the taste still stinging his tongue. He tips back the rest of his glass of water, but that only seems to make the feeling worse, his stomach churning uncomfortably.

Of course, the reporters are all over Tooru. They meet him and his teammates right as they’re coming out of the gymnasium, still looking tired but fresh enough, having changed from their uniforms. Tooru’s not at the front of the pack, like usual, but as soon as the reporters come out, Tooru steps out to the front to talk.

Hajime’s finger hovers over the power button on his remote. Seeing him is one thing, but _hearing his voice-_

Then Tooru opens his mouth and Hajime’s swept back up in all those feelings he’s been trying to ignore ever since he walked away - ever since he made the choice to walk away.

God, he misses him so much, but he can’t. He can’t, can’t go back to how they were, it won’t happen-

“I have something I need to talk about,” Tooru says into the microphone, his expression shifting into something a little more serious, and Hajime’s grip on the remote loosens.

His mouth feels dry as Tooru continues, and focusing on his words gets a little bit more difficult, until, _until-_

No.

Hajime clicks the volume on the television up ten times, rapt attention on the screen.

He did not just say that, did he?

Hajime drops the remote down onto the couch, leaning a little closer to the television, in some vain hope that it might help him understand, because he can’t have heard that, _right-_

“Yes, I’m in love with the most wonderful, amazing, caring man,” Tooru clarifies, with a smile on his face.

Yeah. Hajime heard him right. Tooru just-

In front of a room full of reporters, fans, his fellow athletes-

On _live_ television-

_Fuck._

He doesn’t turn the television off. He barely manages to step into his shoes, not even tying the laces up properly. He hardly remembers the run over to Tooru’s place, because he has to go, he has to-

It’s eerily reminiscent of the last time he sat outside of Tooru’s apartment and waited for him, except now, _now_ , Hajime has a whole other set of thoughts screaming around in his head.

Tooru loves him, _he loves him_ , he told the entire world that he loves him. They don’t have to hide anymore, they can be _together_ -

Every second that Hajime spends sitting on those steps feels like an eternity. He taps his foot while he waits, trying to collect all of his thoughts, organize them somehow so that he can communicate them to Tooru, so that he can explain how he’s feeling, what he wants for them. How much he _loves him_.

He’s too far lost in his thoughts, and he doesn’t even hear Tooru’s footsteps as he walks up the walkway, slowing the closer he gets to his steps.

Tooru drops his gym bag to the ground, and Hajime looks up at the noise.

Their eyes meet, and Tooru looks so, so scared. There’s already tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Hajime needs to talk, needs to _say something-_

“Hajime?” Tooru’s voice is quiet and nervous. He takes a step closer, and all Hajime can do is nod, standing up and opening his arms.

Tooru throws himself against Hajime and suddenly, words don’t seem to matter quite as much. Hajime holds him close and Tooru’s just _here_. He’s clutching his shirt, sobbing into his neck, filling his lungs with his scent, his scent that he’s missed so much-

“You’re here,” Tooru whispers, pressing his face against Hajime’s chest. He pulls a hand up to wipe away his tears, lifting his face up so that they can look at each other. _Really look._

“You told everyone,” Hajime says, pressing their foreheads together. Tooru laughs, swallowing back more tears.

“I had to,” Tooru says, opening his eyes and giving Hajime an honest smile. “I couldn’t keep lying anymore… not when it was going to cost me you.” He grins, and Hajime is struck by how much he wants to kiss him, right now.

So he does.

It’s not very coordinated - Tooru laughs into it, and Hajime cups his cheeks to wipe away some tears with his thumbs. Hajime can’t help but smile, and when he pulls away, he moves his hands down and laces their fingers together.

Tooru laughs again, bringing their joined hands up to brush away some more tears. “Do you want to come in?” He asks, smile bright and voice warm. “I have something that I’ve been meaning to give you…”

Hajime squeezes his hands, and nods. “Yeah. I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am thinking about doing a second chapter to this, an epilogue of sorts? Might be fluffy, might have some smut... Comment below if you would like to see that, and any specific requests!
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](http://josai.tumblr.com/) and see all these one shots before they hit AO3!


End file.
